The Miss Ivalice Beauty Pageant
by Ryu Warrior
Summary: It's baaaaaack! A two month missionless drought has invaded the country of Ivalice. One mission, however, drops onto Ritz's hand, and she will have to endure a trial that will change her life forever. I know it's a dumb summary...
1. The Mission Posted

Disclaimer: FFTA owned be me? Heck no! But I really want to own Ritz...

(Guess what? RW is back and he's got the MIBP story back! Woohoo! Man, seems like forever since I've updated a story! Wait no more, viewers! For those of you who are anticipating this story, this chapter is basically the same thing. Just fixed some things and yeah, nothing new really. So just skim down to the bottom of the chapter to reveal your next mission! RW out!)

1) The Mission Posted

Summary: It's been two months since a mission has been posted to a pub. Clans are starting to lose its reputation as a result to lack of adventures waiting for them. Suddenly, there was one...

Clan Ritz enters the Cyril Pub only to see the usual people sitting in tables and doing nothing but talk. The clan leader, Ritz, is desperate for a mission because she's starting to lose herself from time to time. Her friend, Shara, enters with the same expression as her clan leader. She's always the smart one and always helps Ritz in times of peril. But she hasn't done anything worthwhile for two months.

Her other friends, Nina and Catrine, enters as well. Nina is just as optimistic as Shara, while Catrine is the exact opposite. A laid-back viera, Catrine likes to spend time making Nina mad, since they're childhood friends.

Ritz approaches the pubmaster. He had the same grim look for two months now.

"Greetings, Ritz." says the pubmaster.

"Hi, any new missions today?" asked Ritz.

"Nope, no missions." he replied.

"Oh, okay, thanks."

She walks away from the counter and meets her friends sitting down on a table. They can tell nothing has changed by the sad look on her face.

"Anything new, girl?" Shara asked.

Ritz sits next to Nina and scoffs, "No."

"We haven't been in a mission for two months now!" Catrine pouts.

"There's nothing to do in pubs now." added Nina.

Shara puts both elbows on the table, "Well, what do you suggest we do now, Ritz?"

"I...don't know."

While Clan Ritz glooms over with everyone else, a Templar enters the pub with a scroll. Since everyone is doing the same thing as Clan Ritz was doing, no one paid attention to him.

"By the order of Queen Remedi." the Templar said.

Astonished, the pubmaster grabs the scroll. "Well, well, it's about time."

As soon as the Templar leaves, the pubmaster suddenly yells out, "NEW MISSION!"

The countless heads swings toward the pubmasters direction and they started to crowd all over, all except for Clan Ritz.

Shara leans back on her chair, "Well, that won't get us anywhere."

Ritz puts her head down, "Ugh, I don't care anymore."

The crowd of excitement soon turned to crowd of disbelief and clan members, one by one, started to walk away from the pubmaster.

"Hm, that's odd."

Listening to Shara's remark, Ritz puts her head up, everyone is leaving the front counter. She puts her head back down, "It's probably a repeat mission."

Then out of nowhere, Catrine blurts out, "I like Battle Tourney!"

"Yeah, sure you do." Nina said.

"No, really! I do!"

A nu mou and a moogle suddenly pops out of nowhere.

"Pounce him!"

"Kupo!"

The pub just fell silent.

Marche barges in and grabs the nu mou and the moogle away from the pub.

"Sorry, please don't mind them!"

The moogle screams in agony.

"Noooo! Kupooooooo..."

Clan Ritz exchanges glances.

Although it would probably be a total waste of time, Ritz decided to walk to the pubmaster.

"Better not, Ritz." Shara advised.

She ignores Shara and approaches the pubmaster again.

"May I see the new mission?"

Normally, the pubmaster would give it to her, but all he did was study her.

"Excuse me, pubmaster?"

"Well, well, you seem perfect." he pointed out.

"Huh?"

"Are you ready for the challenge?"

"What are you talking about?'

The pubmaster grins and gives Ritz the mission briefing. She had that "I can't believe this!" face.

"What? You want me to be what?"

"Take it or leave it."

She knew this wouldn't do.

_"I don't want this mission! But we haven't been in a mission for such a long time! What am I going to do?"_

The pubmaster crosses his arms, keeping that grin, "Well?"

Ritz clenches the paper, "Fine." She hands over 1500 gil, already willing to pay up with something, but never for this!

"Thanks." the pubmaster said.

"Yeah, yeah..." Ritz walks away, feeling an inch of embarrassment all around her. She goes back to Clan Ritz.

"Hurray Ritz! You got a mission!" Shara exclaimed, "What is it?"

Ritz just sits down and stares at her clan.

"Ritz? What's wrong? What's the mission?" Nina asked. "Is it Battle Tourney?"

"Is it? Is it?" Catrine said with enthusiasm.

The nu mou and the moogle appears again.

"Pounce him!"

"Kupo!"

Silence fills the pub again. Then Judgemaster Cid, of all people, barges in with that sinister look, and spots the nu mou and the moogle.

"Aha! Mondo and Hastings! I'm here in behalf of Marche!"

The nu mou and the moogle claiming to be Mondo and Hastings exchanged glances. Cid then pulls out two yellow cards and slaps it on their foreheads.

"YELLOW CARD!"

"Wha-what the?" Mondo tries to grab the yellow card.

"Kupo, kupo!" Hastings dances around with his yellow card.

Cid walks away, "Go before I "red"-neck you guys."

Mondo walks away, "Stupid laws..."

"Kupo!"

Clan Ritz exchanged glances again.

"So where were we?" Nina asked.

"Urr..." Ritz attempts to walk away.

"The mission!" Shara's voice made Ritz jump.

"Yeah! What's the mission?" Catrine said.

Ritz blushes, "Well, uh, it's kind of hard to explain-"

"Give me that paper!" Shara takes the mission briefing from Ritz.

"Hey! Shara! Give me that!" Ritz tries to take it back, but Shara's hand is obstructing her vision. Shara reads and widens her eyes, looking at her and then the paper.

"Not bad, Ritz! Not bad at all!"

"Shara!"

"Ooo, lemme see!" Nina and Catrine tramples all over Ritz and fights over the mission briefing. They, too, look at Ritz. Yeah, who would of thought that three vieras be fighting over something in a HUMAN pub? Sounds suspicious, I'd say.

"Shara's right, you're not bad for this mission." Nina said.

"You're going to be that? Wow, I can't believe this!" Catrine shouted.

Ritz turns red, "Catrine! Stop it!"

Catrine climbs up on the table and yells out, "Hey, everybody! Listen up!"

Everyone is minding their own business.

"Get down from there!" Ritz tries to pull Catrine down.

"Hello? I need your attention, peoples!" Catrine yelled.

No one is listening to her.

Catrine sighed and shrugged, "Do I have to do this myself?" She takes off her blouse, revealing her lingerie. Countless heads swung towards Clan Ritz.

"Hey! Look at that viera chick!" a human soldier said.

"Whoa! Is that a new attraction?" a human blue mage said.

Everyone crowds around Clan Ritz, the leader is just devastated.

"No..."

"Great, I got me some people." Catrine dresses back, causing everyone to pout.

"Hey! I want some more!"

"Where did you buy that?"

"Shut up!" Catrine's voice just made them stop.

"Dammit Catrine, stop it!" Ritz can't take any of this!

"Listen up everyone! My clan leader, Ritz, is a contestant for the Miss Ivalice Beauty Pageant!"

Shara and Nina presents the flustering Ritz. The humans starts to agree and applauses. A human blue mage appears with a bag of gil, "Where do I pay the stripper?"

A sword is airborne and the butt hits the head of the blue mage.

"Owowowowowowowowow..."

Shara puts an arm on her blushing clan leader, "I'm so proud of you, Ritz!"

"Shara!"

"Go, Ritz! Go, Ritz!" Shara chanted.

"Go, Ritz! Go, Ritz!" Nina and Catrine chanted.

"GO, RITZ! GO, RITZ!" the humans chanted.

"Go who?" said a random human.

"_This is a nightmare!"_ Ritz screams of agony and runs away from the pub. The pub fell silent.

The blue mage gets up, "Hey, where's the stripper?"

A human soldier knocks him unconscious, "Shut up."

Ritz runs out of the pub filled with fear and shame. She needed to hide, somewhere so no one can see her. What does that point out? Are they really applauding because she was beautiful? "_I'm not meant to be beautiful! I'm not!" _Why is she making a fool of herself? Why is she running away from her triumph? _"Wait, my triumph? I want to be famous for my clan, not for my looks!" _She passes by many people and they look at her in confusion, of course they wouldn't know why she was running away from. She wanted to hide; she needed to hide.

Ritz finds an alleyway and hides behind a wall. She hides her face, "Why? Why me?"

"Why you?"

The sound of an intelligent male voice made her jump, "Eek!"

"Kupo!"

Ritz looks around, "Who's there?"

"Over here."

Ritz looks down and sees a nu mou and a moogle right next to her.

"Ahhh!"

"Hey! Don't scream!" the nu mou tries to hush Ritz. "They're going to hear you!"

Ritz tries her best to refrain from screaming, "Wha-what do you want? What are you doing here?"

"It seems that we're on the run." the nu mou said.

"Kupo!" the moogle said.

Ritz recognizes the yellow cards on their foreheads. It's that nu mou and the moogle from the pub! Knowing this, she feels safe at least, no human is around. So she calmed down and sat. "My name is Ritz."

"Hm?" Mondo looks at the girl claiming to be Ritz. "Why are you so calm all of a sudden?"

"My name is Hastings, kupo!" Hastings blurted out.

"You idiot!" Mondo kicks Hastings, "Don't be a gullible little fool!"

"What's your name?" Ritz asked.

"I'm Mondo." said he. Having saying that, he finally realized his mistake, _"Crap! ...Oh well."_

"Aren't you going to take those off?" Ritz points to the yellow cards planted on their foreheads.

Mondo suddenly changed gears, "What? Just because we're currently on the run? Just because we keep on saying that stupid line all the time? Just because Hastings has no sign of intelligence?"

"Kupo! I heard that!"

"Just because we're the only ones that thinks differently that we have to leave? Just because I spend my time healing! Just because Hastings spends his time throwing stuff at people? Do you think taking off this measly yellow card on our foreheads justifies the meaning of truth?"

Maybe talking to them wasn't a good idea after all, "Well, uh, what do you think?"

Mondo suddenly gets a straight face, "No, because I'm a nice nu mou."

"Kupo!"

"Wait! Time out!" The whole scene freezes except for Ritz and looks at me. (?) "Why are they in the story in the first place, RW?"

Why are you asking me?

"Because I'm asking you!"

Yeah! And...hey! ...huh?

"I'm waiting!"

(Sigh) They're your coaches in the Miss Ivalice Beauty Pageant.

"What?"

I still don't have your phone number!

"I will! Just wait until this chapter is done!"

...Really?

"Yeah!"

Hehehehehehehe, oh ahem! Ritz turns to Mondo and Hastings, they're arguing.

"Uh, excuse me, guys?"

They both stop.

"Are you guys my coaches in this Miss Ivalice thing?" Ritz shows them the paper showing the mission briefing.

"Hey! Thought you never asked!" said Mondo.

Hastings goes on Mondo's shoulders, "Yeah, kupo! We're the best kupos on fashion!"

Mondo glares at the happy Hastings and shrugs him off.

"Owie, kupo!"

Ritz sighs of disbelief, "I wish I were a Judge..."

(End of chappie 1! Okay, now that you're at the bottom of the chapter, I want to continue my so-called "Search for the Ivalice Beauty" campaign. For those of you who are already contributing, I can't thank you enough. But I need more "eligible" contestants! I really want this story to be a success because I've been planning this for so damn long, and I need all the help I can get! That's you! Wanna contribute? Just go to my profile for details... Until then, R & R and enjoy the story!)

(...I still hate this format...)


	2. Train to be a Star

Disclaimer: ...

Review Responses: (Ooh! Something I've never had in this story before!)

Mako-Streak: My friend, there's no stopping me!  
The Phantom Reviewer: Ah, don't worry about it, I'm starting to get used it.  
Dracorum: Throw as much contestants as you want! Just as long as I am able to fit it in!  
Cerse Luminara: Eh...I have to agree.  
Vampire Slushie: Actually the reason why my second attempt was deleted because **_I_** wanted to deleted it. In my experience here, the only rule I've broken was writing in script form. And yes, I plan to finish it...eventually! Also glad that you like my story.  
flashpichu: Argh, I wish you've seen the old one...

2) Train to be a Star

Summary: Two days later, having learning that Mondo, a peculiar nu mou, and Hastings, a laidback moogle, are her coaches in this so called "pageant," Ritz heads to the Bervainia Castle with the mission scroll at hand, and she applies for a position at the biggest attraction of the year, the Miss Ivalice Beauty Pageant. Ritz feels bad about doing it in such a short notice, as she forgot to say goodbye to her friends back at Cyril when she broke down that day...

"Let's see here," Ritz started to say as she reads the mission scroll, "It says that I have to meet Queen Remedi in the social room by noon."

She is followed by Mondo and Hastings as they finally reached the entrance of the castle which resides their Highness Queen Remedi and her son, Prince Mewt. There, they were met by two Mog Knights who was guarding the enormous door to the castle.

"Halt! Who goes there, kupo?" said the first Mog Knight.

Hastings jumps and replied, "Kupo!"

"You idiot!" Mondo kicks the naïve moogle for his stupidity, "We're here to escort Miss Ritz to the Queen."

"Oh, so that's the last of them, kupo." Said the second Mog Knight. "You can pass."

Both Mog Knights stepped back and gave the signal to open the enormous door. It made a head splitting cracking noise as soon as the doors detached each other. Well, according to Hastings actually… Ritz and Mondo goes through the doors of the castle as Hastings follows after gaining consciousness from the opening of the door.

It was obvious that the door to the Queen's social room was the biggest room in the castle, aside from the courtyard. So Ritz knocked the door to the social room twice as soon as she approached it. A feminine voice came from the other side of the door.

"It is open."

Ritz opens one side of the door and peeked inside. There was a lengthy table stretching from one wall to another and on the far end was her Highness, sitting down with a cup of tea. "Come in."

She tries her best to walk as properly as possible as she approaches the Queen. Of course, Remedi had to wonder why she had to walk like that. She gave a small squint so she can study Ritz's actions, everything was none of her liking except for her face, which was beauty-material.

Mondo and Hastings entered as well to join Ritz.

"Kupo! This place is nice!" blurted Hastings.

That comment was so loud that Mondo kicks Hastings again, "Shh! Quiet!"

"Sit." Ordered Remedi.

Ritz takes one nearest to the Queen while Mondo and Hastings takes one next to her and waited for their Highness to talk. A brief silence went before the Queen takes a piece of paper from her organized stack and reads it. "So you must be Miss Ritz Malheur, correct?"

"Yeah."

"_Was she insulting me?" _Thought Remedi, "Ahem!"

Realizing what she said, she quickly replied, "I mean, yes, your Highness!"

"Humph," she resumes reading the paper she was holding, "Let me see your proof."

"Your Highness?"

"Show me your mission."

"Oh! Uh..." Ritz frantically takes out her mission scroll which caused her to handle it like a hot rock and quickly showed it to Remedi.

"So it seems," She softly waves her hand away twice signaling Ritz to put it away, "and I am assuming those are your coaches?"

Ritz turns to her left to see what Mondo and Hastings were doing, they were playing thumb wars. She gives a deep sigh, "...yes, your Highness."

"I win!" yelled Mondo.

"Kupo! You always win!"

"Hey!" Ritz whispered loudly, "Shut up you two!"

Remedi felt furious after hearing the tone of Ritz's voice, but since the day was going by the way she wanted it to be, she kept it to herself and realized that she grasped the paper she was holding a little too hard. Luckily they didn't notice her because Ritz was busy trying to hush Mondo and Hastings. So she remains calm and motionless after she puts down her paper slowly. So when Ritz was done shutting her coaches up and turning back feeling embarrassed all she could see was a stone face of her Highness.

"Okay," Remedi calmly said, "so you got your coaches and your mission briefing, pat yourself in the back."

"Uh..."

"Whom are you representing?"

"Ma'am?"

"I did not repeat myself, did I not?"

"Oh! Uh...representing...uh..."

"Cyril, kupo!" Hastings blurted.

"Hastings!" Ritz yelled, "Don't jump into conclusions like that, besides someone is already representing Cyril!"

"I can arrange that." The Queen snaps her fingers and they waited.

"What's going to happen, your Highness?" Ritz asked.

"You will find out."

In a split second, a Bangaa Templar walks in, bows and gives a piece of scroll to Remedi. He bows again and leaves the premises.

"Okay," Remedi smiled, "welcome to the pageant Miss Ritz Malheur of Cyril."

"Wait, what did you do?" Mondo asked.

"You need not know. Move along, there will be a Templar waiting for you outside. Goodbye."

Ritz wanted to say something else, but its best not to deal with anything unnecessary so she promptly stands, while forcing Mondo and Hastings to do the same, and leaves the social room where they were met by the same Templar from earlier.

"Miss Cyril, you and your coaches shall go to Cyril where you will be given training prior to the incoming pageant which will come up in two weeks. You will be urged to stay in that area and will not leave until you are ready."

"Wait, what's that supposed to mean?" Ritz spat.

"You can say that the Queen thinks you need to be a little more 'feminine,'" Mondo jumped in, "that's why you need training."

"Yeah, kupo." Hastings added, "Clearly she didn't like what she saw."

"What? So she's basically saying that I'm ugly?"

"No, she just thinks that you're a slob that's all. You need to get some manners." Mondo said.

"Oh, really? Then what was the thumb war thing you guys did in the social room, huh?"

"I know my manners, thank you very much, but I'm not a contestant."

"She's the Queen! Don't you have to show your manners around anyone royal?"

"Who needs to?"

"Ugh, never mind!"

After arguing about that issue, they left the castle without delay and headed off to Cyril, which took them another two days to reach. It was just a regular day in the town of Cyril until a Defender snatches Ritz and takes her to an alleyway.

"Hey! What's the big idea? Put me down!"

The Defender puts her down and bows. "Miss Cyril. It is not safe to walk around as a contestant; I'm here to escort you to your training area. Follow me."

"Hey, what?"

Mondo and Hastings pass Ritz, "C'mon, this way!"

"Kupo!"

Ritz just sighs of incredulity and follows them to a small door to a small building. The Defender opens the door and bows. "Please stay here, Miss Cyril. Good luck on the pageant." Having saying those words, the Defender walks away.

"Wow, nice place." Mondo says as he enters inside.

"I like this place, kupo!" Hastings says as he follows Mondo.

Ritz enters through the door as well. It was a big room that would resemble a small apartment. Once side of the room was a big mat that would be used for gymnastics, another side was a huge wardrobe full of dresses, another side was a kitchen and the other was the living room and the entrance.

"Whoa..."

"Well then," Mondo started, "let's get started then!"

Two hours pass by and Ritz felt like she's been in the room forever. Hastings knew how to do her hair like the back of his hand and gave her as much hairstyles he could possibly think of. Unfortunately, it was none of her liking. Since Mondo was an intellect, he knew most of the rules and regulations concerning the pageant and he continues to torment Ritz with the ever-so-deadly 100 Ivalice Questions, which was 40 percent of a test the contestants are going to take. They were so captivated with those things and since Ritz wasn't getting adapted to it, they never got to her clothing, so she was still in her battle outfit.

Ritz thought she knew all about Ivalice. But the questions given to her were either political or irrationally unfamiliar.

"Miss Cyril," Mondo addressed Ritz in a formal tone, "Question #67: What do you think the society of Ivalice needs?"

"Uh..." Ritz says, dumbfounded, "World peace?"

"No! NO!" Mondo throws the pamphlet he was reading to the ground, "You said the wrong answer!"

"Then what am I supposed to say then?" Ritz yells, enraged.

"And don't talk in that tone of voice! It's disrespectful and reveals your foolishness!"

"Hey! Don't move so much, kupo!" Hastings said, trying to take out a really huge knot in her hair, "I can't do your hair if you move, kupo!"

"Ugh! This is a nightmare!" Ritz scoffs.

"Okay! Let's try this again!" Mondo picks up the pamphlet he dropped and started reading again in a more irritated tone, "Miss Cyril! Question #67: What do you think the society of Ivalice needs?"

Ritz sighs, "A break, because they're sick and tired of crap like this."

Mondo drops the pamphlet again, "No! You got it wrong again! The answer is 'No more laws'! **Everyone** says that!"

"Fine!" Ritz stands, causing Hastings to fall on his back because he was on top of Ritz's chair, "The society of Ivalice needs no more laws! There! Are you happy?"

Eerie silence.

"Okay! Next question!" Mondo cheerfully flips to the next page, "Question #68..."

Another hour passes by and Ritz was almost done with the questions. Once again it felt like forever. During that time, though, Hastings managed to give her seven different hairstyles before she said "no" to all of them. Now her hair was all messed up, some parts of her hair dangled like a thorn in a rose and some where either: split, curled, or spiked.

"Miss Cyril," Mondo addressed to Ritz for the 214th time, "Final Question: What does the name "Ivalice" mean to you?"

Ritz was so sick and tired about all of this that she decided to fool around and answered in a very preppy and sarcastic tone, "To me, Ivalice is a land of exploration, looking for a land of opportunity and fighting for freedom!"

After hearing that ridiculous answer, Mondo and Hastings fell to the ground.

"What kind of a stupid kupo answer was that?" Hastings yelled.

"The best I could think of." Ritz says in her normal voice.

Before Hastings could say anything else, a solo handclap filled the dressing room. In came their Highness, Queen Remedi, with a small smirk on her face. Ritz, Mondo and Hastings stood up and said "Your highness!" in sync.

"What-" Ritz involuntarily squeaked, and then she realized what she just did and cleared her throat. "What are you doing here, your Highness?"

Remedi's smirk faded away and she approaches Ritz with a stink eye, "One: Do not test me. Two: Lose the outfit, Three: Keep that voice you did earlier." Each time she said a number, she poked Ritz's forehead, which caused her to involuntarily squeak again.

"Ma-Ma'am?"

Their Highness looks down and looks at Ritz's battle outfit, "Look at yourself in a mirror! You look absolutely atrocious with those excuses-for-a-clothing! This will not do! Moogle!"

Hastings swiftly and cheerfully salutes, "Kupo!"

"Give her a dress!"

"Kupo! Kupo!" As soon as Hastings disappeared into the wardrobe, Ritz turned pale, and she began to squeak again.

"Wh-what? I have to wear what?"

"It's a beauty pageant, what do you expect to wear?" Mondo blurted.

"Hey, shut it!" Ritz growled.

After hearing that monstrous voice from Ritz, Remedi grabs the pamphlet from Mondo and smacked Ritz's head with it. "Keep your mouth to yourself, little girl! That is not what civilized women act like!"

She hits pretty hard for a woman. So Ritz had to rub her head because it hurts so much, "But, your Highness! I-"

Another hard hit from the Queen, "Do not talk unless I say so! Understand?"

"...yes ma'am." Ritz squeaked.

"Humph." Remedi drops the pamphlet to the floor and elegantly walks away, "Change your attitude, little girl." Having saying that, she leaves the dressing room.

"Ooo, that woman!" Ritz spat while rubbing her head, "Who does she think she is?"

"The Royal Queen of Ivalice." Mondo blurted.

That didn't help at all, so she gave him an evil glare and attempts to pull out her weapon from her scabbard, "One more word out of you..."

"Eep!" yelped Mondo, "Uh...I mean, I didn't say anything!" Not knowing what she's capable of, he immediately fell silent, until Hastings came out with a beautiful sparkly pink dress.

"Kupo! Here it is!"

"My word! It's perfect!" Mondo takes the dress from his friend and gives it to Ritz, already forgotten that she was mad at him, "It'll unleash the beauty within you!"

She takes the dress and gave a frown, "This thing is huge."

"It looks huge, kupo, but that's just the dress. The blouse portion should fit you, kupo."

"But it's going to show my legs! Even worse, over 'here'!" She points to her crotch.

"That's the point," Mondo said without thinking, "now put it on."

"No!" Ritz refused, "Look at this! It's going to show my shoulders! Eww, it's also going to show my cleavage!"

"What's wrong with that, kupo?"

"It's going to embarrass me! Don't you guys see what you're doing to me?"

"Look at the bright side, Ritz," Mondo added, "at least your doing a mission. You're going to get a reward regardless if you win or not."

"Ooo, you guys are unbelievable!" Ritz sighs as she puts it beside herself, "_Oh, well. At least it's my color._"


End file.
